Mama Bug’s First Question Post

Today I had something asked of me.  Some advice needed from a close friend.  And although she did not email me the question, I felt it was a great place to start.

The Question

My husband and I are fighting again.  It seems like there is nothing I can do to not fight with him.  And our children are hearing this as well.  I don’t know what to do.  The situation isn’t changing, and it has been going on for a while.  What should I do?

The Reply

This was done in person, so it was a full conversation.  My friend has been going through this for a while, and isn’t sure what to do about it.  She is on the fence, so to say.  You can tell that she is entirely in love with her husband, but not the fights that happen often.

Do or don’t, she feels that there is nothing she can do to stop the fighting.  And these fights may cause them the big D…  In the mean time, what to do?

She has tried talking it out.  And there is no way there will be full participation for marriage counseling, which is something I normally suggest as a first.  The best thing to start with, in my opinion, is prayer.

Praying helps us in many ways, and the decision to pray about something is the start of leaving the problem at the feet of Jesus.  That leaves us with the feeling of a large burden lifted off our shoulders.

Now, the next thing should be counseling.  I’m not a professional, as I’ve said many times throughout my posts.  However, I am one of those people who others tend to come to in times of need.  Whether it is for a listening ear to vent, or even help, like this.

My friend was looking for both.  As well as a quick break from the situation.  Often times, we will snap right back at the person who snaps at us.  Sometimes we will work ourselves into an anxious state, that makes us snap at the first possible snide comment made from our spouse or significant other.

Both things do not help, and it also means that there is no one person at fault. It takes two to fight.  At this time, if one person is too upset to talk, all they may want to do is argue or fight.  The best thing we can do is be quiet.  There is nothing that will help if we are only yelling back, or more.  As I said, it takes two to fight.

Again, praying and leaving the situation at the feet of Jesus, will also give us the strength we need to keep that quiet.  One of the hardest things I, myself, have had to do is to shut my mouth when the argument arises.  I’m also a person that will know a situation may cause a fight regardless of what I do to stop it, so I work myself up so bad, that if my husband says anything about him, I’m the one starting the fight while defending myself.

When we do these things we say so many things that are painful, hurtful, and are done intentionally to hurt the other person.  Whether you mean it or not, it doesn’t matter, because you can’t take it back.  And often these wounds are worse than being physically attacked.  A bruise will heal, a lash emotionally and mentally may never heal.

So, to my friend, I told her the best thing to do is to pray for help in her marriage.  Pray for help for her other half.  Pray for strength and patience to get through these.  Then, I told her to not react.  That is the expected thing…the reaction to the dig, snide remark, or out right yelling.

And even when we do this behind closed doors, our children don’t just hear it.  They feel it.  They feel the intensity of all of it, and it does hurt them.  Whether it is a broken heart from the situation, or even the feeling of needing to help the parent with no idea how to do so.

That old saying, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.  It brings up a brick wall.  Your other half can try to start a fight, but without reaction, there really isn’t anything else to fuel it.  They will likely continue for a while, to push those buttons.  But, if we do not react, eventually they will get tired of it.

Once someone is done with that anger, they have room to think about what is really bothering them.  They may come to a point where talking WILL help.  And, when we keep quiet, instead of sniping back, it gives them a platform to approach us in a calm matter to talk.  Maybe they need help.  Maybe there is a deep underlying situation that needs resolved, or at least brought up, then they can be encouraged to get the help they need.

Why?

Anger is like quick sand.  The more we wriggle and struggle in quick sand, the faster we sink.  The more we feed the anger, the farther we sink into it bringing hatred and rage along with it.

Anger should be dealt with in some way, and not shoved down to eat at you.  If you choose to bottle anger, it WILL come out eventually.  It will be devastating, and is often directed at someone who has nothing to do with the cause of your anger.  Therefore hurting other close relationships because of the blow up.

Working through anger is definitely a reason to see a professional.  Because it can get off track quickly.  However, that isn’t always an option.  So we go to a friend or family member we can trust, and we vent and talk about it.

What can I do if I cannot get professional help?

Redirecting anger into a constructive activity is a great thing.  I redirect my anger into writing, learning, and crafting or creating different things whether that is in my “office” (which is about anywhere in the house that I happen to do it, currently), or in my kitchen.

Some people exercise, some people scream out their frustrations, then turn it into a game that is fun for other people.  There have been many ideas that physically releasing anger is good and bad.  If out and hit a punching bag for five minutes, then come back to what is ailing you, you are most likely just feeding that anger.

However, if you go out and hit that punching bag for thirty minutes or more, and start using it as another spot to vent out those frustrations.  Turn it into a fitness thing, or another fun activity, you can come back to what is ailing you with a different perspective.

The point is to get all the bad out-of-the-way, so that you can focus on what is more important.  Like, why you love that person, and why you want to fix things.

So….

To all of you out there with these kind of problems, say a prayer first, then get help.  It doesn’t make you stupid or weak to get professional help.  Or even to ask for help at all.  It makes you human.  Everyone has a breaking point.  Everyone needs help sometimes.  It makes us better to work through things, than to stew in that anger.

And, besides, if you are already at a volatile point, what will it hurt to get help?  There are many ways to get marriage counseling, or counseling at all.  Ask your pastor or minister at church.  Or even a church friend.  A parent or grandparent (if you are comfortable doing so).  You’d be surprised to learn that there are many people who have had to get help themselves.

We get stuck in this perspective that we have to be perfect.  Well, the only person that walked on this earth that was perfect was Jesus Christ.  So, we need to stop chastising ourselves for not being perfect.  We can work on bettering ourselves, but lets start setting realistic goals.

Also, marriage is not disposable.  And, if you want to try to save your marriage, no matter how bad it may have gotten, there is NOTHING wrong with that.  Actually, I think, if we all tried a bit harder to remember that marriage is not disposable, there would be less divorce out there.  Marriage can be hard, but if we just give up without trying, then why did we get married to begin with.  We cannot run from every problem we have in life.  One day you will have to stop and face the music.

Leave a comment below and tell me what you think.  Or if you would like some direction, send me a private message.  I’ll even research some good places for you to look into for help.

God Bless!

Poetic Healing

I’ve covered a lot in depression writing, but I haven’t given you a personal snippet of my writing.  Well, today I’m changing that.  I am writing a poem that is a story.  It is a two-part journey, and today I’ll give you part one of that journey.  This is a new poem on an old experience that is part of what made me who I am today.  So, this is fresh closure on my part.

I hope it is alright, I’ve never put myself out there this much, but this experience impacted my life tremendously.  It was scary, but it caused me to choose a better path, when I felt like I had no control of the path I was on or about to take.  In this poem I hope to teach you that it doesn’t matter how it is set.  It doesn’t have to be a song, doesn’t have to rhyme.  It doesn’t have to follow what we are taught that a poem is.  Just write from the heart, and pour the hurt on the paper.  You’ll be surprised how much you still hold on to old wounds.  However, you feel better for having done it.woman-73403_1920

Devil’s Path

  • I left a life
  • of loss and pain
  • Thought nothing was left
  • I could only gain
  • When we met
  • He was oh so fun
  • Made me feel it was me
  • The center, the sun
  • He paid all the bills
  • Made sure I was fed
  • I was THE ONE
  • That’s what he said
  • He wanted me gorgeous
  • The trophy fun girl
  • He gave me his car
  • He made me his world
  • Then it started
  • A slap here and there
  • Said it’s my fault
  • I should have done my hair
  • Each time I wanted
  • Just to relax
  • Put on tennis or slippers
  • Just sit and kick back
  • I wasn’t allowed
  • Until dinner was done
  • The party and dance
  • And have all the fun
  • Each thing that he drank
  • And each Ice Show
  • I had to keep up
  • And let no one know
  • So late to bed
  • So early I must rise
  • Cover the bruises
  • Put on my disguise
  • My work was my safety
  • My release from him
  • Until his ultimatum
  • More life he did skim
  • Nothing was left
  • Though no one would know
  • I was painted and pampered
  • To keep up the show
  • The parties were longer
  • The fun now on the go
  • I could not falter
  • Or let anything slow
  • The one day I asked
  • I never should have spoken
  • Driving down the road
  • Hard fist, Is my nose broken?
  • Finally back home
  • No where to hide
  • My choice was to fight
  • Or surely I’d die
  • I barely made through
  • All he had done
  • Shear fear and terror
  • Then the blackness begun
  • I was surprised
  • To wake with the sun
  • My choice was to leave
  • Or keep with the fun
  • I told him he would
  • Hurt me some more
  • But I chose to stay,
  • Not walk out the door
  • The slapping and pushing
  • Got oh so fierce
  • He made one mistake
  • For my will to pierce
  • I had other friends
  • Though they were his
  • They did not like
  • My bruises, his fist
  • So finally I made
  • The decision one night
  • He wanted to yell,
  • To holler, to fight
  • One word from his friend
  • Now bonded to me
  • He left, yes, pissed off
  • But now I was free
  • I ended my fight
  • With my ally at my side
  • I thought it had ended
  • My truth, in a lie…

To Be continued…

 

In the Spirit

In the spirit of holidays and everything I’ve been talking about this week, I’m going to keep it up here as well.

So far we’ve talked about writing to get you out of depression or a funk.  One of the many ways I’ve suggested was to keep a journal or a diary.  There are so many types of journals out there, so what type should you try?female-865110_1920

All of them…

Seriously, though.  Trying all types is the best way you will find your perfect one.  And who knows, you may end up wanting to keep many styles for different reasons.  One of the big things you should keep a list of right now, is your to do lists.  Watch what you’re doing this week through lists, by writing the lists in your journal.  Throughout the day, cross off what you’ve gotten done.

Why?

By keeping a list in your journal, you’re less likely to throw it away, and I want you to keep it to see how things change, and what this week does to your funk (that’s what we’ll call it for now.)  For me, or anyone else with similar issues, my health as well.  How do you feel, before, during, and after.

Keep doing this throughout the holidays this summer.  All the trips, all the birthdays.  Watch who does what and who follows through helping.  A few weeks after each event, look back at the list.  Then, write down what you feel and think about how it went.  Did you get enough help?  Did you spend all the money?  Was it a large, extravagant event?  Who decorated?  Did you make all the decorations by hand?

If you’re answering yes to the majority of these questions, then no doubt about it you are doing WAY too much.  And the stress to get everything done and perfect will add to your funk or any health, marital issues, or anything else that may not quite be right in your life.

These are supposed to be family events.  And surely it isn’t a wedding or anything like it.  So, again, why do we do this to ourselves?

HOMEWORK!!!

Two things, today.  Start that journal, for one.  And second, can you give me an example of a journal type?  Lets see if you can find any I haven’t found yet…

Break It Down, Now

Break it down now…

Often people want to know how I am able to use fantasy writing or any kind of novel-writing really, as depression writing or writing therapy.  Simply put, I work out a problem through my character or characters.

I’ve been known to over analyze my life, problems, just everything.  I can’t quite describe it, if you come to me with a problem, I can analyze it just enough so that you get the advice that you need.  However, if it is my problem, I over analyze it, making it difficult to take my own advice.

So I put it in story form, and then I’m no longer giving myself advice.  I am guiding a different person through a different life.  And I throw my own problems in as if they were this new person’s problems.  But how do I get to this point?  I don’t just sit down one day and decide I’m going to make this character because this problem is driving me nuts.  (Not always at least).  However, we will start with a problem in your life, that you are looking to solve.qualities-795865_1920

Start Here

So, to start you need to decide what kind of character you’re writing.  Is it male or female.  Also, is this a child, adolescent, young adult, adult, or elderly.  You don’t want to fully flesh out your character yet, but you want to have an idea.  And you may want to change it later.

Now we add the problem.  What is the problem?  How is the character handling it currently?  What other problems arise from how the character is handling it?  What big thing does this lead up to for the character?  What makes the character want to change this?

Now we go back and flesh out the character a bit more.  Note their personality type, how they normally handle any regular problem.  You can even go into the physical description.  You want to make this character into a believable (of unbelievable) person.  Someone you can easily visualize so that it is easier to take them through the problem so they can resolve it.

Wrap It Up

Now, you will want to wrap it up.  Here is where you may want to flesh out some main supporting characters, if there are any.  Make notes of how this may or may not help your main character.

Focus on the change.  What made this person change how they wanted to deal with this problem.  What was the rock bottom…the last straw…  And how do they approach changing the path that they were on to one that is less destructive or more helpful.  Maybe it was a person.  Maybe it was an end result of the prior behavior.  Maybe God spoke to them, or sent an angel.  This is where you decide where the story is going, and you take it back down from the climax to the end result.

What happened on the way down from the climax.  Did the character just change their path, and that was it?  Or did they fix what was done from the path before.  Did they find the answers they were looking for?

And the BIG one…how does it end.  Is it a happy ending?  Is it an open ending, leading to possible other things in the future?  Is it a sad ending?

Once everything is noted

Once it is all noted, you may realize some questions are still unanswered and that is alright.  Sometimes you have to write to find the answer.  So, now you find a comfortable place to concentrate, and write.  That’s all…Just write.

Writing can be intimidating.  We’re told all about structure in school, and it is exaggerated often just to explain to us how we should do it.  But in all actuality, writing doesn’t necessarily have set rules.  The only real set rule is to either have a computer, a voice recorder of some type, or pen/pencil and paper…then you just write.

Sometimes getting started is the hardest part.

So, let’s make it a bit more simple, as we know sometimes getting started is the hardest part.

  • Who are you writing about?
  • What is the problem?
  • How is the character handling it currently?
  • What other problems arise from how the character is handling it?
  • What big thing does this lead up to for the character?
  • What makes the character want to change this?
  • Are there any other main supporting characters?
  • How does this help or hurt your character?
  • What brought it all to the climax?
  • What was the change to bring it all back down to a normal level?
  • Wrap it all up…
  • NOW WRITE!!!

Please remember, these are just helpers to get you moving.  You may not need it, though some people do.  Give it a try, and see what you come up with.  The end result of the writing is to make you feel better.  To get out some of the things we can or cannot deal with in our lives.  It may or may not solve your problem.  But in all actuality, it isn’t necessarily meant to.  It is meant to help you get through.

This may likely be an open-ended story.  Because you are an open-ended story.  It means you can continue, or you can leave it as is.

Also, please remember, this isn’t really for anyone else but you.  You are the only audience that matters here.  It doesn’t mean write this and go straight to a publisher.  This is to help you.  Later if you think you have something, then, sure, go for it.  But this was never meant to be anything but something to help us through depression and pain.

With all that said, write out those feelings.  Leave me a comment below to tell me how it worked for you. You can even send me a copy if you’d like.  If you’re stuck, feel free to ask for help either in a comment for the community to help answer, or privately to me, and I can help you through.

On that note…Today’s assignment is…

GO WRITE!!!

Depressing Situations

Depressing Situations Surround Us Sometimes

As we go through life, most of us go about life in a non-depressed state.  Mostly happy, with some sad or bad times.  But what about those depressing situations?  What does that mean, and what should I do should I find myself here.

First Set of Depressing Situations:

So, sometimes we find ourselves depressed because we have grown up, and through those stages we have lost whom we thought were our friends for many reasons.  Sometimes it is because you moved so the distance has caused you to fall out of contact with them.  Sometimes it’s because maybe as a teen and young adult you were the party hardy kind of person or even a weekend warrior.  And now those friends don’t speak to you because you don’t do those things anymore.  On an even sadder note, maybe those close friends of yours passed away.  Unfortunately more and more people are passing away at younger ages.  I’ve seen too many that have passed for multiple reasons, and of course it makes me sad.  Accidents happen, we destroy our health often, and other things may have been prevented for other reasons, but whatever it is, it is just sad.

So, lets say we find ourselves in these depressing situations.  What do you do?  If the situation was due to a loss, always consider grief counseling.  Or a group that may provide a counseling setting for people who have lost someone.

The next thing is to find yourself a group activity setting, a hobby that allows you to be around people, or something like that.  Church is a great start.  You can get great spiritual guidance, and start participating within the church and find yourself among like minded people.  I joined Bell Choir and Praise Band.  I love music, and I am making friends with people of God who also like music.  And the best thing about a church is that they welcome anyone regardless of your past.  This is very important for those with a more rough past behind them.  You may not find people with a similar past…but then again, I go to church, so maybe you will.

Joining community sports is another way to do this.  You get on a team, burn off some energy and aggression, and maybe hang out afterwards for pizza or something.  I’ve personally started making friends with the other women when I go to watch my husband play soccer.  I love it, because where we go, (and the season) I’m less likely to be judged on the color of my skin and the language I speak.  Meaning, I’m unlikely to be judged for being the white girl speaking Spanish. (You’d be amazed what gets people angry in certain areas.)

And as I said in last week’s blog Depression Writing, keep a journal or a diary, and record your feelings along the way.  You’d be surprised how things change even in a month.

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You can also try hobbies at home to distract yourself.  Who knows, maybe you can eventually create a great business from it.  I LOOOOOVE cake, and I love making beautiful cakes that are a bit above the normal spectrum.  When I first moved back to my home town, I was depressed because I went from a large city to a small one again, and adjustment was difficult.  So, I was watching Cake Boss and Ace of Cakes one day, and thought, “Seriously, I bet I could do that…”  And today, this is what I’ve grown to in the last 7 years.

Second Set of Depressing Situations:

So maybe the first set wasn’t quite what you are going through at the moment.  Maybe it is the area or even the house that you are currently in that depresses you.  Maybe it even scares you.  For me, I get unnerved where I am, and I feel like I’m suffocating.  So, what I do is make the inside of my house a more comforting area.  On the outside I try to be sure my children and husband are comfortable being there.  So, in our shed it is mostly dedicated to my husband and all of his tools.  This keeps them from roaming my house, and it gives him a place to call home there.  In the warmer months he organized everything where he wanted it, and added his tool necessities to make it better.  Once it is warmer again, he will be building a work table so that he has a base table to rip things apart and put them back together.

The kids have MANY an outside toy, from bikes, to sandboxes, slides, an awesome pirate ship toy box and plenty of toys.  They are not allowed to leave our square…I mean yard…unless an adult is with them, or they are told to run next door to the neighbors’ house for one thing or another.  Otherwise they are not allowed to leave my sight.  And even though kids their age, and sometimes younger, are allowed free reign, that is just something I cannot do for my bitty bugs.  They aren’t ready for it, and neither am I.  So, when they’re out, we tend to have about half the trailer park here playing with them.

Inside, I have started with some painting of rooms, and other decorating things.  Things that help organize and make me feel I can breathe better.  And recently I’ve started planting things.  It brings the outside in, and again, makes me feel I can breathe better.  I do seem to have wonderful neighbors, when I speak to them, but I spend the majority of my time inside now a days.  I missed it so much that I brought the outside in.

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Third Set of Depressing Situations:

So this set is maybe you have lost someone very important in your life.  A pillar of our life, lets say.  Last year my husband lost his mother, and two years before that he lost his father.  It was hard enough to be a country and a half away from them, but he felt as if he failed them when they passed and he couldn’t be by their side.  Some of us take our parents for granted, because they are that close to us.  But, what if they were farther away…states…countries…how do you handle that?

For my husband, I always kept pictures, and still keep pictures around of his family.  He looks things up about his home town, and keeps up with the news from there as well.  When his parents, and other important people in our lives pass I put them on our memory wall above our altar.  I can tell when he is very homesick because he starts looking up other things like hotels, restaurants, food, or anything really that reminds him of home.

Mostly, if you have something like this going on, of course writing in your journal will help.  A picture journal is a wonderful Idea.  Then, again, grief counseling is a great though.  But maybe a counseling session(s) that is a bit more in depth.

Fourth Set of Depressing Situations:

Situations that REQUIRE help…Maybe you’re depressed because you are in pain constantly.  Maybe your nerves are wonky and have a mind of their own.  Maybe you’re sick all the time or just plain sick.  These are all things you should see your doctor for.

Sometimes we get depressed because we aren’t getting answers.  Maybe you’re like me living with something that you don’t have a clue what is causing it.  Not getting answers from your doctor is a very frustrating thing.  This kind of thing can cause people to become suicidal and the like.  If this is happening to you, please GET HELP!  It may seem embarrassing, but it really is no reason to be embarrassed about.  EVERYONE needs help sometimes.  The person that tells you life is perfect for them is either lying or hasn’t really experienced much yet.

I had gone through some issues with doctors themselves, who looked at me and either thought a pill would solve it all.  Or the doctor that doesn’t feel you are showing your pain adequately, so they feel you are exaggerating.  Let me tell you, if you live with pain long term, your body gets used to it in some ways.  The newer pains may hurt worse or differently than normal.  For me, new pains feel different.  They’re more likely noticed because you’re not used to that part of your body experiencing pain.

So, for a while there I didn’t go to a doctor at all.  I almost believed my previous doctor and thought, “Well, if it’s all in my head, then I should be able to do everything and just work through the rest.”  OMG was that a joke.  The more I pushed myself, the harder it was to get out of bed or move period.  The possibility of me falling went up tremendously, and I’ve experienced two major falls in the 6 or so months that I refused to see a doctor.

So, if you are experiencing pain or the like, get it checked out.  Get to the bottom of it…before you make yourself worse!

The Final Set of Situations:

Maybe just situation.  Sometimes we as women, (but men as well…don’t take this lightly) find ourselves in abusive relationships.  Sometimes we have children in these with us, other times it is just us.  Ladies, just because you do not have children does NOT mean that the situation should continue.  You are worth protecting just as much as a child.

In the past I was in a highly abusive situation.  I thought I could handle it.  I thought I could handle him.  Until I had had enough, then I broke up with him.  The thing is, when I made it final…the us thing…and he realized that him versus me could be detrimental to his health as well….he got a buddy.  Running from someone literally is not fun.

Situations such as these need to be dealt with immediately, yes.  But they also need to have a plan to go with them.  I have heard it all…well if he hits you, then why stay?  Sometimes leaving can be more harmful.  NOW LADIES, THIS DOES NOT MEAN DON’T LEAVE!!!  I BEG YOU, IF THIS IS HAPPENING…LEAVE…Just do so with a plan in mind.woman-1006102_1920

So, you’ve made the decision to leave despite the fact that you love him.  You should do it when he isn’t there, and isn’t going to be back for a while, unless it is an extreme situation.  If it is an extreme situation then get the F*&% out of there.  If it’s a situation that you can take a day or two to situate, then do so.

Discretely pack your purse.  Put in necessary medicines, clean underwear and a spare bra, important papers, and some extra cash if you can.  Then, again discretely, write out your exit strategy.  If you can’t, then go over it in your head repeatedly.  Find a close or safe friend you can go to, or just go to the shelter.  That is what they’re there for.

Then comes the scariest part of it all.  Put the plan into action.  Leave…  Remember, God will not be angry with you for leaving someone commiting Ungodly acts towards you or your children.  You didn’t fail, and you are worth a life that is not full of fear of when the next slap or choke slam will come.  Repeat that to yourself.

The hardest part….stick with it.  Oh he’ll tell you he is sorry, and he’ll tell you it’ll never happen again.  Or he’ll threaten you or your family if you don’t come back.  Stick to your plan.  I know you’ve heard that women die from this kind of thing.  It is true, ladies.  Domestic violence statistics say:

more than three women in the US are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

This means that every year more than 1,095 women die a year from domestic violence.  And there are many other statistics if you don’t think that is enough.

 

The Point?

Everyone needs help sometimes.  Depressing situations happen.  Sometimes counseling or other outside help is needed.  Don’t feel alone, lost, or stuck, and don’t feel like you deserve that situation.  Pray about it and then follow through with the plan or decision or both.  God blessed us with many things, it’s time we get out there and experience them.

If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask.  Go to your church, a church close by, a counselor.  Call a hotline.  But if you need help, especially if you are suicidal or are in a violent situation, please get help.

  • National Suicide Hotline – 1-800-273-8255
  • National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-422-4453
  • National Elder Abuse Hotline – 1-800-677-1116
  • Sexual Abuse Hotline – 1-877-995-5247
  • National Domestic Violence Abuse Hotline – 1-800-799-7233

These are just a few ways to get help where you may need it.  Plus there are many resources online.

God Bless You All,

Mama Bug

Depression Writing

Depression is something many people experience.  I myself experience it, and my kind of depression is NOT a chemical imbalance.  Now, if you are depressed due to depressing situation that is one thing, and you may want to seek professional help somewhere along the way.  However, if you have a chemical imbalance that causes you to be depressed or other things DO NOT take this as a reason to go off your meds.  Please, understand, I am not a psychologist.  I write through my experiences and have not had any training in the field.  So, please continue to follow your doctors orders.  This may help even those with a chemical imbalance, but I cannot stress enough that if you are medicated or need to be, please seek professional help.

Now, I am a writer at heart.  I love to write for many things.  I write poetry and fantasy esk stories.  My poetry is from experience, and I honestly haven’t written much poetry lately.  I do write short stories and am working on a few longer ones.  I do not have anything published, so I’m not officially an author in that sense, but I enjoy them here at home.  And the few I’ve shared with like them as well.

My mother and grandmother are writers, and my grandmother has been published in the past.  So, I guess this runs in the family.

118HWriting while depressed is good for you for many reasons, but you don’t have to write poetry or stories.  You can if you want to, as long as it follows along with the point of writing to help depression.  The point of writing to help is to get those hurtful, nasty, horrible feelings out.  Once they are out on paper in black and white, there are many things you can do with it from there.  You can look at these problems with a literal outside perspective.

By looking at your pains on paper you can then choose how to deal with them, or think of things to help resolve them.  Write those down as well, that way when you come back to read it (if you keep it that is), you can see our progress.  Keeping your writings and looking back on them you can see how far you’ve come.  For me, when I keep my writings, I see the process as a, “Hey, I’ve been through worse.”  Or even just to see how far I’ve come.  It can be inspiration to push harder to get through your depression.

Another thing you can do is write it out in a prayer journal and pray about it.  Then when God answers your prayers you write that in your prayer journal as well.  This is the same concept, however, you can also see that your prayers did, in fact, get answered.  Sometimes we forget that God does answer our prayers, and the next time we have a problem it may be harder for you to turn to him to help.  When you look back at a prayer journal you can see that he did answer them.  This will cause you to spend a bit more time in prayer.  And I’m sure we all could use a bit more time in prayer.

Here we like to say to give our problems to God.  Most of the time that is extremely hard to do.  Especially for me, as when I feel like I do not have control it causes major anxiety for me.  So another thing I have used in the past (and still use), is I write down all of these horrible things that I’m holding in.  I crumple it up making it kind of like a stick shape.  I light a candle and I pray.  When I’m praying I say, “God, here I have written my thoughts and fears that I cannot handle.  I am giving them to you.  I am Laying them at your feet and giving you control to fix the problems.  And I am letting go of it.”  Then I burn the paper to signify letting go and officially giving it to God.  For me, and others I have helped through this, it works very well.  Especially for those things that we are really having a hard time letting go of.  And trust me, I’ve worked with some very skeptical people.  My sister probably being the most skeptical, but every time I have done this with her, and every time she has kept a journal it has helped her work through her depressions tremendously.

The last type of writing is what I like to do most.  I take my problems into the fantastical area.  Meaning I create a character that may have problems like mine, 251Hor feelings, thoughts, etc…  Then I run with it.  My character then takes these problems, and creatively as I push her (or him) through these there are reasoning’s that the problems are there.  One that I am writing has to do with the pain I deal with on a daily basis.  Yes, pain can cause depression.  And what is even sneakier is that depression can cause pain.  What a vicious circle.  So, since I cannot do a lot of the things I used to, I write.  One of my characters takes the feelings of being unable to do things because of what she is, and puts it into her quest to find her place in the world.  She ends up receiving power from a dragon.  She is nothing but a tiny Halfling, and she saves her world with the power of a dragon infused inside of her.  This story isn’t finished yet, but you get the point.  And the story is a reminder of many things.  Just because you think you cannot or are told you cannot overcome something, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.  You may not just surprise everyone around you, but you may even surprise yourself.

So, what do you do after you get all these out on paper?  You think it through from a different perspective.  Work it out now that you can see it from another side.  And eventually you may want to share these with someone you are comfortable to share them with.  Letting someone else look at it and give you their view will help you work through the problem(s).  If they have advice, great, take it or leave it.  And you don’t have to stop at one person.  You could get the view of many people, through a group, or different friends and family members.  Heck, you could send me an email and I’d happily help you analyze it.  Maybe even put it up as an anonymous letter, answer it in a post, and others comment on it your problem and my answer, and even give their pointers on it.121H

There are many ways to work through depression, writing is just one.  Writing is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to self help.  What kind of writing do you do?