So you have a worry bug…
You go shopping and you can tell she is interested but at the same time she is quivering on the verge of crying. A family event brings on waterworks and shear fear. And forget leaving this buggy even at her grandparents house to spend the night. And when school comes??? OMG!!!
The worry bug is one of those buggies that you have to really balance their glass heart and a bit of tough love. They are smart buggies, but the slightest upset to their world causes World War III tantrums or worse…the Atomic Meltdown…
How do you deal with this buggy. Well, I’ll tell you there are times where the busy buggy is much easier to handle than the worry bug. At least you can send them out to play and not worry that they are sitting off to the side crying because no one will play with them but they are too terrified to make friends.
Beanie Bug is just such a bug. When we first moved to where we live now, the environment was much different. There was a safe place to play right outside our door AND TONS of kids to play with. Every kid’s dream, right? Wrong. She often sat on the porch steps, watching the other kids play, and cried. No one was ever mean to her, but it was one of those things that if no one played with her she would cry, but she would cry if someone would approach her.
What I ended up doing was going out with them, and while Belly Bug was content to make friends and run about on whatever adventure they had invented, I played with Beanie. I started small with kicking the soccer ball, and inviting others to play. Eventually she was fine, so long as I was right there. Then little by little I would have to run in to go potty. Go check on the sleeping baby. Forgot something was on. And so on.
I really had to work her up to the right spot. Yes, she had times where it was hard, but we worked through it. Once she was comfortable with her new play mates, she was right up there with Belly Bug and no problem. By then, if a new child had come around, she was now comfortable with her other friends to not have a melt down to the change.
Some things that a worry bug has problems with:
- Change of any kind
- Starting school
- Leaving mommy
- Staying over night
- Random Emotions
- Change of any kind
- Real loss
- Emergency Situations
All of these things are stressful to anyone, but to the worry bug these are all monumental. The tiniest thing could mean the world to her, and we have to teach her to balance it.
Every change, before, during, and after, needs to be fully explained to this little buggy. And each change takes time to adjust. When Beanie Bug started Kindergarten this year we spent months preparing her. She was going from always being with mommy to all day school during the week and an hour bus ride to school as well as an hour bus ride home.
We had thought she was going to one school, but last-minute and without notice to me, they changed her school. So that caused a mini melt down. Meanwhile, as I was preparing her for all this I had to decide how to handle the first day of school. Do I drive her or just get her on the bus. With much consultation with many different family members, I decided to go with my step mother and my grandmother on my father’s side, information. This was just get her on the bus to minimize her discomfort. That way she had only one adjustment, instead of learning to go to school, and then learning to ride the bus as well.
It took a month for Beanie to adjust, and I got notes at the end of the week letting me know she had cried. Those notes went from, “cried every day all day,” and dwindled down to, “had a great week and no crying at all.” And this mommy was so excited about the success in the change.
I’ve learned that with the worry bug, she also needs some alone time. When things get to be too much, she needs a quiet place to get away from all the buzz. This limits the tantrums and meltdowns. And the comfort of knowing she can do it prevents many as well.
One thing to keep in mind.
This kind of buggy needs to have things explained, but shouldn’t be babied at the same time. And always remember, we cannot do it all. Sometimes we need to get help. Meaning, if these things are too intense for your buggy YOU NEED TO TAKE HER TO A DOCTOR OR A COUNSELOR!
As mommies, we may make the mistake of taking it all on us. But, sometimes we all need help. The last thing you need to do is go into an anxiety attack because this will feed into your buggy. When you’re sad, she will be sad. If you’re mad, she will be mad. But we are adults and can handle these emotions mostly. That isn’t always the case for our buggies, and we need to teach them the best way to handle them. So, sometimes teaching her to handle them means talking to your doctor.
I did consult my doctor about her anxieties, and was advised to work with her slowly, and if it wasn’t getting better or even got worse, then it was time to send her to a counselor.
- Listen to your buggy, watch to see her reactions. Let her know teach her how to deal with it.
- Prepare for change before, during, and after. Be patient with your buggy because her adjustment will take longer. And get involved (or don’t get involved in some cases) with the change. We can’t always be there to help them make a friend.
- Encourage her and tell her that you’re proud of her. Tell her when you’re happy, and tell her it is okay to be sad sometimes too. All of her emotions are important. And give her good ways to vent them out constructively.
- Ask for help. Whether it is from family members who have been there and done that. A friend who has gone through the same. Or a doctor of any sort when things get too difficult, especially.
- Don’t be afraid to tell other people how to react when the tantrum or meltdown happens. You’d be surprised to see that many other people want to be told how to approach her during these times.
- Finally, don’t punish yourself. Take joy in the fact that you are going to have a wonderful, loving, caring, empathetic buggy when she grows up. And, trust me, we need more of that in this world.
As always, you are not alone in this journey. Many of us are going through it right now, or have gone through it. On a high note, my Beanie Bug manages school very well and is a role model in her class. She does wall and wants to do more. She has made many, many friends, and continues to make more. She is also learning to make friends with that shy buggy off in the corner. She’s even starting to get very sassy (yes, poor mommy…and daddy.)
Leave me a comment, and let me know how your journey with your worry bug has gone or is going.