Depressing Situations Surround Us Sometimes
As we go through life, most of us go about life in a non-depressed state. Mostly happy, with some sad or bad times. But what about those depressing situations? What does that mean, and what should I do should I find myself here.
First Set of Depressing Situations:
So, sometimes we find ourselves depressed because we have grown up, and through those stages we have lost whom we thought were our friends for many reasons. Sometimes it is because you moved so the distance has caused you to fall out of contact with them. Sometimes it’s because maybe as a teen and young adult you were the party hardy kind of person or even a weekend warrior. And now those friends don’t speak to you because you don’t do those things anymore. On an even sadder note, maybe those close friends of yours passed away. Unfortunately more and more people are passing away at younger ages. I’ve seen too many that have passed for multiple reasons, and of course it makes me sad. Accidents happen, we destroy our health often, and other things may have been prevented for other reasons, but whatever it is, it is just sad.
So, lets say we find ourselves in these depressing situations. What do you do? If the situation was due to a loss, always consider grief counseling. Or a group that may provide a counseling setting for people who have lost someone.
The next thing is to find yourself a group activity setting, a hobby that allows you to be around people, or something like that. Church is a great start. You can get great spiritual guidance, and start participating within the church and find yourself among like minded people. I joined Bell Choir and Praise Band. I love music, and I am making friends with people of God who also like music. And the best thing about a church is that they welcome anyone regardless of your past. This is very important for those with a more rough past behind them. You may not find people with a similar past…but then again, I go to church, so maybe you will.
Joining community sports is another way to do this. You get on a team, burn off some energy and aggression, and maybe hang out afterwards for pizza or something. I’ve personally started making friends with the other women when I go to watch my husband play soccer. I love it, because where we go, (and the season) I’m less likely to be judged on the color of my skin and the language I speak. Meaning, I’m unlikely to be judged for being the white girl speaking Spanish. (You’d be amazed what gets people angry in certain areas.)
And as I said in last week’s blog Depression Writing, keep a journal or a diary, and record your feelings along the way. You’d be surprised how things change even in a month.
You can also try hobbies at home to distract yourself. Who knows, maybe you can eventually create a great business from it. I LOOOOOVE cake, and I love making beautiful cakes that are a bit above the normal spectrum. When I first moved back to my home town, I was depressed because I went from a large city to a small one again, and adjustment was difficult. So, I was watching Cake Boss and Ace of Cakes one day, and thought, “Seriously, I bet I could do that…” And today, this is what I’ve grown to in the last 7 years.
Second Set of Depressing Situations:
So maybe the first set wasn’t quite what you are going through at the moment. Maybe it is the area or even the house that you are currently in that depresses you. Maybe it even scares you. For me, I get unnerved where I am, and I feel like I’m suffocating. So, what I do is make the inside of my house a more comforting area. On the outside I try to be sure my children and husband are comfortable being there. So, in our shed it is mostly dedicated to my husband and all of his tools. This keeps them from roaming my house, and it gives him a place to call home there. In the warmer months he organized everything where he wanted it, and added his tool necessities to make it better. Once it is warmer again, he will be building a work table so that he has a base table to rip things apart and put them back together.
The kids have MANY an outside toy, from bikes, to sandboxes, slides, an awesome pirate ship toy box and plenty of toys. They are not allowed to leave our square…I mean yard…unless an adult is with them, or they are told to run next door to the neighbors’ house for one thing or another. Otherwise they are not allowed to leave my sight. And even though kids their age, and sometimes younger, are allowed free reign, that is just something I cannot do for my bitty bugs. They aren’t ready for it, and neither am I. So, when they’re out, we tend to have about half the trailer park here playing with them.
Inside, I have started with some painting of rooms, and other decorating things. Things that help organize and make me feel I can breathe better. And recently I’ve started planting things. It brings the outside in, and again, makes me feel I can breathe better. I do seem to have wonderful neighbors, when I speak to them, but I spend the majority of my time inside now a days. I missed it so much that I brought the outside in.
Third Set of Depressing Situations:
So this set is maybe you have lost someone very important in your life. A pillar of our life, lets say. Last year my husband lost his mother, and two years before that he lost his father. It was hard enough to be a country and a half away from them, but he felt as if he failed them when they passed and he couldn’t be by their side. Some of us take our parents for granted, because they are that close to us. But, what if they were farther away…states…countries…how do you handle that?
For my husband, I always kept pictures, and still keep pictures around of his family. He looks things up about his home town, and keeps up with the news from there as well. When his parents, and other important people in our lives pass I put them on our memory wall above our altar. I can tell when he is very homesick because he starts looking up other things like hotels, restaurants, food, or anything really that reminds him of home.
Mostly, if you have something like this going on, of course writing in your journal will help. A picture journal is a wonderful Idea. Then, again, grief counseling is a great though. But maybe a counseling session(s) that is a bit more in depth.
Fourth Set of Depressing Situations:
Situations that REQUIRE help…Maybe you’re depressed because you are in pain constantly. Maybe your nerves are wonky and have a mind of their own. Maybe you’re sick all the time or just plain sick. These are all things you should see your doctor for.
Sometimes we get depressed because we aren’t getting answers. Maybe you’re like me living with something that you don’t have a clue what is causing it. Not getting answers from your doctor is a very frustrating thing. This kind of thing can cause people to become suicidal and the like. If this is happening to you, please GET HELP! It may seem embarrassing, but it really is no reason to be embarrassed about. EVERYONE needs help sometimes. The person that tells you life is perfect for them is either lying or hasn’t really experienced much yet.
I had gone through some issues with doctors themselves, who looked at me and either thought a pill would solve it all. Or the doctor that doesn’t feel you are showing your pain adequately, so they feel you are exaggerating. Let me tell you, if you live with pain long term, your body gets used to it in some ways. The newer pains may hurt worse or differently than normal. For me, new pains feel different. They’re more likely noticed because you’re not used to that part of your body experiencing pain.
So, for a while there I didn’t go to a doctor at all. I almost believed my previous doctor and thought, “Well, if it’s all in my head, then I should be able to do everything and just work through the rest.” OMG was that a joke. The more I pushed myself, the harder it was to get out of bed or move period. The possibility of me falling went up tremendously, and I’ve experienced two major falls in the 6 or so months that I refused to see a doctor.
So, if you are experiencing pain or the like, get it checked out. Get to the bottom of it…before you make yourself worse!
The Final Set of Situations:
Maybe just situation. Sometimes we as women, (but men as well…don’t take this lightly) find ourselves in abusive relationships. Sometimes we have children in these with us, other times it is just us. Ladies, just because you do not have children does NOT mean that the situation should continue. You are worth protecting just as much as a child.
In the past I was in a highly abusive situation. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could handle him. Until I had had enough, then I broke up with him. The thing is, when I made it final…the us thing…and he realized that him versus me could be detrimental to his health as well….he got a buddy. Running from someone literally is not fun.
Situations such as these need to be dealt with immediately, yes. But they also need to have a plan to go with them. I have heard it all…well if he hits you, then why stay? Sometimes leaving can be more harmful. NOW LADIES, THIS DOES NOT MEAN DON’T LEAVE!!! I BEG YOU, IF THIS IS HAPPENING…LEAVE…Just do so with a plan in mind.
So, you’ve made the decision to leave despite the fact that you love him. You should do it when he isn’t there, and isn’t going to be back for a while, unless it is an extreme situation. If it is an extreme situation then get the F*&% out of there. If it’s a situation that you can take a day or two to situate, then do so.
Discretely pack your purse. Put in necessary medicines, clean underwear and a spare bra, important papers, and some extra cash if you can. Then, again discretely, write out your exit strategy. If you can’t, then go over it in your head repeatedly. Find a close or safe friend you can go to, or just go to the shelter. That is what they’re there for.
Then comes the scariest part of it all. Put the plan into action. Leave… Remember, God will not be angry with you for leaving someone commiting Ungodly acts towards you or your children. You didn’t fail, and you are worth a life that is not full of fear of when the next slap or choke slam will come. Repeat that to yourself.
The hardest part….stick with it. Oh he’ll tell you he is sorry, and he’ll tell you it’ll never happen again. Or he’ll threaten you or your family if you don’t come back. Stick to your plan. I know you’ve heard that women die from this kind of thing. It is true, ladies. Domestic violence statistics say:
more than three women in the US are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
This means that every year more than 1,095 women die a year from domestic violence. And there are many other statistics if you don’t think that is enough.
Everyone needs help sometimes. Depressing situations happen. Sometimes counseling or other outside help is needed. Don’t feel alone, lost, or stuck, and don’t feel like you deserve that situation. Pray about it and then follow through with the plan or decision or both. God blessed us with many things, it’s time we get out there and experience them.
If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask. Go to your church, a church close by, a counselor. Call a hotline. But if you need help, especially if you are suicidal or are in a violent situation, please get help.
- National Suicide Hotline – 1-800-273-8255
- National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-422-4453
- National Elder Abuse Hotline – 1-800-677-1116
- Sexual Abuse Hotline – 1-877-995-5247
- National Domestic Violence Abuse Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
These are just a few ways to get help where you may need it. Plus there are many resources online.
God Bless You All,